Product Hooks #001
By Blackjack [Blackjack's Shadowrun Page: www.BlackjackSR.com] [blackjack@blackjacksr.com] [@BlackjackSRx]

Posted: 2021-01-01

Pro Driver Extreme
(Educational and Training Experience)

“Learn secrets from the pros with an affordable, no holds barred driver’s dream training! Special guest stars from CNASCAR, CCAFSCAR, Renegade League and the hit series Classic Desert War Dash assist you in mastering the art of the wheel! Break the ‘link and earn that driver’s license!”

Though advertisements don’t make it clear, this is training for NON riggers and the only riggers you’ll actually see attend the courses are those who signed up just to meet Rebecca Ryan, car 112 in the Renegade League. The special guests themselves generally provide a motivational speech, selfies, an adrenaline pumping ride around the course (with them at the wheel), then grab their cred and leave. In the eyes of a driver it’s almost, but not quite, the same downer they get when they’re featured at a county fair. But while the guests aren’t rigged (the afore mentioned organizations still banning them) and the participants aren’t rigged, the instructors often are, leading to frequent misjudgments in skill that prove harmful to the health of the attendee. Basically, the phrase “Oh, you can make it, you pussy.” coming from their instructor is occasionally the last thing a student will ever hear. The mortality rate has climbed to 5%, which Pro Driver Extreme responded to by launching their “Can You Survive?” campaign, touting the death rate itself. For Shadowrunners, the whole experience can be kinda fun with low pressure rigging, body guarding, and healing gigs available.

TootTreat
(Nutritional Suppliment)

“Did you eat a tub of chili before an important board meeting? Ever been trapped in a small glass box while a low air pressure system moved on in? No? Well, now you can, if you want to, with TootTreat! One gummy and your gaseous expulsions will carry the scent of Lavender, Cinnamon, Spearmint, Sandalwood or our ever popular Hot Chicken Wing, with more scents on the way!”

Remarkably, the recommended ‘dose’ of one gummy per hour, for no more than a few hours a day, carries no ill effects. However, abuse can result in a digestive reaction where, at least from the resulting stench, it seems as if all the pent up odors are released all at once. Kind of like the burp of sulfur from your catalytic converter while driving at high speeds up a hill. Only this is BAD. Not even make you throw up kind of bad, but possibly knock you out bad. It’s so bad that even corporations have taken interest, with various bio warfare units tripping over each other trying to be the first on Craig’s List to advertise paid research into such emissions, as they have been extremely difficult to reproduce in a lab. Preliminary research indicates that it may have to do with the supplement’s reaction with the individual’s normal lifestyle, leading to the even more ridiculous practice of ‘Gas Profiling’. There have even been extractions where prized farters have been kidnapped from the arms of a competitor, and at least one outright assassination. TootTreat itself is owned by a conglomerate of high profile celebs, which is probably the only reason why the corps haven’t simply kicked down their door.